Caliente!

My mouth is burning.

And in several hours my bung-holio will be burning. It's worth it.

I found a recipe that claimed to be the Chevy's roasted tomato salsa. I made it tonight and it actually is the recipe! I love it! I was about to cave and buy a huge tub of it from Chevy's but now that I know the secret...I'll be making and eating this for a few weeks straight.

Below is the recipe, my tweaks in parentheses. And, of course, don't forget the riesling!


6 medium tomatoes
10 small jalapenos -red is best (I only used 4 freaking jalapenos & it's plenty hot)
1/4 medium Spanish onion
2 garlic cloves (I used 3, could even use 4 cloves)
2 tablespoons fresh cilantro - chopped
2 tablespoons white vinegar
2 teaspoons salt (I think 1 teaspoon salt is salty enough)
1 1/2 teaspoons liquid smoke, mesquite-flavored (Use it if you have it handy, but I didn't think it was necessary)

1. Preheat your barbecue grill to high.

2. Remove any stems from the tomatoes, then rub some oil over each tomato. You may want to cut the tomatoes in half for easier grilling. You can leave the stems on the jalapenos.

3. Place the tomatoes on the grill, on medium, and cook about 10 minutes.

4. Place the jalapenos onto the grill. TIP: To adjust the heat, cut in half and scoop out seeds roasting skin side to the flame.

5. Allow Tomatoes and jalapenos to cook an additional 10 minutes and turn.

6. When almost the entire surface of the peppers has charred black you can remove them from the grill.

7. The tomatoes will turn partially black, but when the skin begins to come off they are done.

8. Put the peppers and tomatoes on a plate and let them cool.

9. When the tomatoes and peppers have cooled, remove most of the skin from the tomatoes and place them into a food processor. Pinch the stem end to remove them from each of the peppers and place them into the food processor as well. Toss out the liquid that remains on the plate.

10. Add the remaining ingredients to the food processor and puree on high speed for 5-10 seconds or until the mixture has a smooth consistency.

11. Place the salsa into a covered container and chill for several hours or overnight while the flavors develop. Makes about 4 cups.

Chubby Chased?

A cutie in the next line at the local big name grocery store looked over and smiled. I smile back and think "So glad i'm not wearing sweats!"

Maybe one out of 20 times I actually want to be chubby chased and this was one of those times. He was tall, good looking, great smile and knew how to dress himself.

Perhaps it was the hunger that confused me or the giddy anticipation of the yummy mint chocolate chip ice cream that clouded my sixth sense, but I was completely caught off guard by what came out of cutie's mouth.

Cutie: Those are great strappy heels, girl!

And with those six words, I realized this was no chubby chaser. This is the kind of guy who appreciates great heels, the kind of guy who is gay.

By the way, hell's yeah, they're damn sexy 3 inch bronze strappy heels.

I Heart Eggs

No, your eyes doth not deceive thee. That is a little heart shaped pan. A little story behind this pan. And oh, I absolutely see the irony this little non-stick pan serves up.

1. It was gift from a friend, make that a former friend.
2. Former friend insisted I cook more for my BF, now an ex.
3. I never cooked that much when I was with that ex, much less make him heart shaped eggs.
4. Former friend and the ex became an item.
5. I'm no longer fond of the former friend or the ex.

Just kidding on point number 4. It woulda been funny if it was true.

Regardless of how & why I have this little item, I found it while searching for a loaf pan. I figured since I found it & I can eat eggs all day, every day, I whipped up this little yummy bite.

Sunny side up, on top of fresh arugula, drizzled with sweet chili sauce. YUM!

When I can eat carbs this weekend, I'm gonna put that amazing creation on top of sharp cheddar cheesed bread. I may just have a dozen eggs on Saturday morning.

PS - In case you're wondering what to wash it down with....Riesling!

Crunch. Chew. Sip. Repeat.

How can it be that it's taken me so long to discover that guac & chips with riesling is a fantastic combination?!?

In case you haven't discovered the combo, you should really try it. The sweet crisp riesling cuts through the creamy guac and adds a new dimension to it.

I made a huge bowl of it with 4 avocados, 3 roma tomatoes, cilantro, fresh garlic, lime juice & salt. Yes, I ate half of it and downed 2 glasses of riesling. It was a great dinner.

And I slept well that night.

And This Little Piggy Was Lazy...

I know. Lazy piggy.

That is not to say I haven't been up to shenanigans. Will try my best to continue writing. Until then a few random thoughts on some current events & people:

1. Is it just me or does Lady Ga Ga have total man face? Seriously, methinks Lady Ga Ga is a dude.

2. Joel McHale! Community

3. Congrats to Patience for finishing her first marathon!

4. Congrats to Loaf! Baby Loaf! =D

5. Almost perfected grillin' me some rib eye.

6. Achoo! stock needs to make a comeback so I can sells my options.

7. Viva Obama!

What is Jack's Inflamed Sense of Rejection?

Ah...I missed that condescending son of a bitch, Alex Trebek!

It's been a while since I watched Jeopardy! so I decided to tune in today. I swear, within 10 seconds of turning on the TV, I hear..."Sorry Jeanie, you're only allowed to respond with one incorrect answer at a time." smug chuckle Sure, he's an over-educated, under-sexed, pompous know-it-all, but we love him in all his HD glory.

It's dangerous to watch Jeopardy! in HD sometimes. I just get sucked in and totally forget what's on the stove. sigh I did exactly that and overcooked the clams. Ya, they weren't the best clams but good enough for clams in a box. They were Trader Joe's Steamer Clams in garlic butter sauce. The sauce was a bit salty but, yes, definitely buttery & garlic-y.

I imagine they woulda tasted slightly better had I not over steamed them. Just slightly. I'm just glad Alex wasn't here to critique me, to tell me where I went wrong & eventually, say that I should know better than to buy frozen clams. At which point, I would yell: "Yes, I know Alex! I shoulda went to the Chinese fish market to get fresh clams! And salmon sashimi for $8.99 per pound!"

Man, now I'm bummed. I didn't have a great meal and I'm left craving the fresh, delicious salmon sashimi...

Pigging out for Good

Share Our Strength - Taste of the Nation Las Vegas
Thursday June 4, 2009

Share Our Strength - Taste of the Nation Los Angeles
Sunday June 14, 2009

Chubby Chased 7 & 8

I've said it before and I'll say it again. We is in trouble now. And by we I mean me and my fat ass.

This afternoon I was telling Naughty Blonde that I had overindulged on carbs. I've not been withholding carbs from myself for the past coupla weeks and I felt like it showed. My weight oscillates easily. I gain quickly and I lose quickly. So I was complaining that I was feeling the clothes being tight again. Being the comforting friend, Naughty Blonde said I looked fine. But what I feared was confirmed within a few hours of my complaint.

On the way home I stopped by the bank and the pharmacy.

First the bank. Chubby Chaser and I pulled into the parking lot at about the same time. There were three ATMs available. Both of us were polite. We used the ATMs at the ends, saving the ATM in the middle unoccupied, giving each other space. I finished before Chubby Chaser and started walking to my car, and I could hear someone walking behind me. I knew it was Chubby Chaser.

Chubby Chaser: Excuse me.

Fat Girl: Yes?

Chuuby Chaser: I just wanted to give you my business card. Maybe you can call me. I would love to take you out to dinner some time. (how did he know the way to my heart is through a good meal? heee)

Fat Girl: (smiling sweetly) Thank you, I have a boyfriend.

Chubby Chaser: Oh, well you tell him that he's a lucky man.

Fat Girl: (still smiling sweetly) Thank you.

Now, this Chubby Chaser was nice and polite. He drove a nice car, was dressed well and he even had proper ATM etiquette. But you know when there's no attraction? So...yeah, that "boyfriend" thing. 'Twas a lie. Sorry, Chubby Chaser.

I head across the street to the pharmacy. There are three people in line ahead of me. The first two did their business quickly, but not the guy in front of me. He started arguing with pharmacist about the automated reminder system and how much it sucked. I was about to say, "Look, jackass. You didn't come pick up your pills in time. Nobody's fault but yours." But pharmacist beat me to it.

Finally, I pick up my prescription. I was walking out as another Chubby Chaser was walking in. I didn't make direct eye contact with him, but out of the corner of my eye I saw him check me out. Chubby Chaser actually turned around and followed me to my car, which was a little creepy since night had fallen.

Chubby Chaser: Hey, girl. What's going on widchu, honey?

Fat Girl: (smile nicely as I get into my car & lock the doors)

Sooo...the saying goes: "You know you've gained weight when black men start hitting on you."

Well...both of the Chubby Chasers were black. BOTH! I was chubby chased by two black men within 20 minutes. What does that tell you?!?! It sure as hell tells me I need to stop stuffing my piehole and get a personal trainer for my fat ass.

Vegas Vacation: Year of the Ox Part Deux

I would be remiss if I didn't tell you about the yummy food we had at Encore and Palazzo. It's always great to dine at the restaurants of high end hotels cuz a good meal is just about guaranteed.

On Monday morning/afternoon we were still quite in love with that steak we had at Brand so our expectations were high when we entered Socitey Cafe at Encore.

TV1 ordered the Loaded burger - bacon, cheddar, avocado, onion ring with french fries.

I ordered the Grilled ham and cheese - kurobuta ham, gruyere cheese, frissee salad topped with poached egg. (It's kinda like a deconstructed eggs benedict.)

TV1 gave me half of her burger for half of my ham and cheese. Both were yummy and hit the spot. The burger was flavorful and juicy. The ham and cheese was cheesey, greasy and fatty, just the way I like it.

By the way, their pretzel bread with house-made mustard butter is great! Of course we had to ask for more...almost took some to go. heehee

I'm pretty sure it was Tuesday night that we went to Grand Lux at Palazzo. We decided to share and go with everything fried. We ordered:

Double Stuffed Potato Spring Rolls -Creamy mashed potatoes with a touch of green onion, rolled in crispy asian wrappers topped with melted cheddar, applewood smoked bacon and green onion. Served with sour cream.

Fried chicken - Crispy fried chicken breast served with mashed potatoes and vegetables.

New Orleans Beignets - Served warm with three sauces. (Our three sauces were, chocolate ganache, rasberry and white sauce with Jack Daniels.)

Me love fried foods! The spring rolls were great, but they were a little stingy with the cheddar and bacon. We practically licked that plate clean to get every bit of cheese & bacon. teehee The fried chicken was indeed crispy, but I do enjoy dark meat better and the meat left on the bone. The chocolate ganache sauce was my favorite, of course. The Jack Daniels sauce should not be served again.

Sadly, our last Vegas meal together was so much less than five stars. It was at the airport, at some terrible Mexican place called Jose No Bueno or soemthing like that. It was like a Mexican restaurant sweatshop. It was cramped, packed, hot and stuffy and the employees were overworked and on the verge of throwing the 10-parts-water-two-parts-avacado-guacamole in somebody's face, mainly my face since I bristled at paying for that green dish water they called guacamole.

I was hoping to get on my short flight home and grab a Double Double to help me forget Jose no Bueno, but no. My flight was delayed for over three hours. I wanted to enjoy my Inc. magazine with two empty seats between me and another waiting passenger, but no again. A stupid cow sat down next to me with a big unappetizingly bland looking burger. She dropped lettuce, tomato and some kinda sauce all over the place. A big piece of lettuce almost fell into my purse. So like the bitch that I am, I sighed loudly. (It's what Naughty Blonde calls passive aggressive sighing.) The stupid cow didn't get the hint. She finished eating in about two minutes and as she got up, all sorts of crumbs and grey bits of hamburger patty fell to the floor. I know I, too, lose myself in food, but damn!

Vegas Vacation: Year of the Ox

We got bent over, with no lube. That's how TV1 would describe our overall gambling experience. And she's absolutely right.

At first I had some luck with the Wheel of Fortune machine. I hit three numbers at the roulette wheel within 10 minutes, pretty good, right? Then I got ka-raaazy and started playing $100 hands at single deck blackjack. It was quite exciting. I came out $500 ahead! Then it turned. And when the luck turns, it turns fugly. But enough about the fugly.

I played blackjack with Mrs. California - United States and her husband. What a fun and beautiful couple! You don't see it much nowadays, but that's a couple who really adore each other.

Our comped room at Encore was gorgeous. Everything at Encore was gorgeous, as I imagined it would be. TV1 and I loved all the luxury and nice touches that came with a five star hotel, including the remote controlled drapes, all lights on dimmer, and the phone display and television greeting me by name.

The Monaco Suite at Monte Carlo certainly didn't compare to Encore, even though they try to tout themselves as a four star hotel. The only thing I'll say for it is that it's roomy. I don't know who the hell they bribed to get that extra star, but it's certainly not a four star hotel in my book. They've been going through remodeling and are obviously trying to be young and cool like Hard Rock. So far, I remain unimpressed. Anyway...

I cashed in on my comp at the Monte Carlo mainly for the $100 credit I could spend. My plan was to enjoy a good meal at their new steakhouse, Brand. We were impressed with that steak. So juicy and definitely a perfect medium rare. The creamed spinach with truffle oil and mac & cheese were rich and yummy. The lobster mash and the chilean sea bass...quite unremarkable and fishy. They should be ashamed of those items.

Another great meal we had was at Pho, of Treasure Island. I was pleasantly surprised that it was authentic Vietnamese pho. The fried egg rolls, I'd stay away from. Thems is not so authentic. sigh

We ate well, and apologies for the lack of pictures. We usually waited til we were starving so taking pictures kinda left my mind. I'll try to remember that when we go again in a couple of weeks...this time comped at the Palazzo! weeeeee!

O Happy Day!

Happy Birthday, Handsome!

and also

Viva Obama!

All Bets Are Off

Neil Patrick Harris! This first week back at work was long!

I got through it with several trips to In & Out. Yes, I ordered protein style, but my no carb diet kinda derailed. Ask me what I had for dinner two nights in a row...

Tops Fried Zucchini with their homemade ranch. YUM!

Yes, it's fried but it's, what?, like 95% vegetable, right?Just a small amount of carbs. Plus, I didn't eat anything else so at least the calorie count is somewhat decent.

Yeah, I know. I didn't plan out my meals ahead of time and that's why I failed. I guess I haven't learned that I will always take a tumble off the wagon when the meals aren't planned ahead. I'm just betting against myself when there's no plan.

Hey, speaking of betting, it's time to play with some poker buddies. Let's see if I can earn some extra food money for Vegas!

What Diet Resolutions?

We is in trouble now...and by we, I mean me and my fat ass.

I could tell you I have binger's remorse, but I don't. Not even a little bit. I completely enjoyed every slice of that large gourmet veggie pizza. And for dessert, eight of Trader Joe's Mini Mint Ice Cream Mouthfuls disappeared down the abyss otherwise known as my throat.

These are basically Oreo cookies with mint chocolate chip ice cream filling instead of just plain cream filling. OMG, Hea-Ven! Those mini mouthfuls come in a box of 12. Aren't you proud of me that I was able to stop at eight instead of devouring all 12? heeee

It's hard to say what made me binge. Could be a number of things...

a) my nearly three week vacation coming to an end
b) making up for the three weeks, almost four weeks, of feeling sick and eating nothing but eggs, bread, lite broth-like soup and rice
c) I'm just a fat piggy, and a piggy will eat what she wants
d) feeling like I could afford a binge cuz Sugar Coated Candyman said I look quite slim - oh, you bet he was rewarded for that comment =)
e) I have a tapeworm
f) getting back on the no carb diet on Monday, in anticipation of Chinese New Year binges
g) all of the above
h) a, b and e, but not f
i) c, d and f, but not b
j) make your own combination of the above

True, a large gourmet veggie pizza is a lot to consume at once, but at least it's more nutritious than my meals of late...milk and chocolate chip cookies.

Great Fat Day

I'm having a great hair day...thanks to the low humidity.

I wish I could say the same for my stomach rolls. I wish they were less roll-y simply because of low humidity. Although if that were true, the stomach rolls would be completely outta control during the sweltering humid summer months. I suppose there's no getting around the fact that I just have to get off my lazy ass and burn off all the chocolate chip cookies I've been eating for lunch and dinner.

Walking around the mall counts as exercise so my fat ass and I are on our way over to the Camarillo Premium Outlets to see how many cookies I can burn off without breaking the bank...