Monday, February 9, 2009

Chubby Chased 7 & 8

I've said it before and I'll say it again. We is in trouble now. And by we I mean me and my fat ass.

This afternoon I was telling Naughty Blonde that I had overindulged on carbs. I've not been withholding carbs from myself for the past coupla weeks and I felt like it showed. My weight oscillates easily. I gain quickly and I lose quickly. So I was complaining that I was feeling the clothes being tight again. Being the comforting friend, Naughty Blonde said I looked fine. But what I feared was confirmed within a few hours of my complaint.

On the way home I stopped by the bank and the pharmacy.

First the bank. Chubby Chaser and I pulled into the parking lot at about the same time. There were three ATMs available. Both of us were polite. We used the ATMs at the ends, saving the ATM in the middle unoccupied, giving each other space. I finished before Chubby Chaser and started walking to my car, and I could hear someone walking behind me. I knew it was Chubby Chaser.

Chubby Chaser: Excuse me.

Fat Girl: Yes?

Chuuby Chaser: I just wanted to give you my business card. Maybe you can call me. I would love to take you out to dinner some time. (how did he know the way to my heart is through a good meal? heee)

Fat Girl: (smiling sweetly) Thank you, I have a boyfriend.

Chubby Chaser: Oh, well you tell him that he's a lucky man.

Fat Girl: (still smiling sweetly) Thank you.

Now, this Chubby Chaser was nice and polite. He drove a nice car, was dressed well and he even had proper ATM etiquette. But you know when there's no attraction? So...yeah, that "boyfriend" thing. 'Twas a lie. Sorry, Chubby Chaser.

I head across the street to the pharmacy. There are three people in line ahead of me. The first two did their business quickly, but not the guy in front of me. He started arguing with pharmacist about the automated reminder system and how much it sucked. I was about to say, "Look, jackass. You didn't come pick up your pills in time. Nobody's fault but yours." But pharmacist beat me to it.

Finally, I pick up my prescription. I was walking out as another Chubby Chaser was walking in. I didn't make direct eye contact with him, but out of the corner of my eye I saw him check me out. Chubby Chaser actually turned around and followed me to my car, which was a little creepy since night had fallen.

Chubby Chaser: Hey, girl. What's going on widchu, honey?

Fat Girl: (smile nicely as I get into my car & lock the doors)

Sooo...the saying goes: "You know you've gained weight when black men start hitting on you."

Well...both of the Chubby Chasers were black. BOTH! I was chubby chased by two black men within 20 minutes. What does that tell you?!?! It sure as hell tells me I need to stop stuffing my piehole and get a personal trainer for my fat ass.

1 comment:

Olga Balboa: Intellectual, Essayist said...

what was wrong with the guy in the nice car???? Jeesh!