Belly Bustin' Goodness

The Share Our Strength Taste of the Nation event was fantastic. As I imagined, our stomachs weren't big enough to hold all the offerings from each participating restaurant/chef. Titty Vortex 1 and I (the other half of the Vortex) were so excited we didn't know where to start. It didn't take long for us to get our rhythm; eat, comment on food, take a swig of wine & move on to the next booth.

Some of our favorites were:

Boa Steakhouse - 12 hour smoked kobe brisket on a King's Hawaiian sweet roll

Water Grill - oyster on the half shell

Sona - braised pork belly with smoked eggplant puree & celery root shiso salad

La Cachette - divine chocolate cake

Sushi Roku - tuna carpaccio with soy truffle vinaigrette & spicy tuna hand roll

My absolute favorite was the braised pork belly. So tender. So fatty.

Titty Vortex 1's favorite was the smoked kobe brisket. That was also nice & fatty. We had two of those.

After maybe 10-12 booths, we had to head to the VIP lounge and take a break. But once we got there we realized there was even more food! Seared scallops, purple artichoke hearts, caviar, champagne... It was non-stop food! (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

We waddled out towards the cookoff area after we gave our stomachs some rest. The cookoff was hosted by Kirk Cameron! He looks good. I remember my junior high crush on him. His wife & six kids were also in attendance. They're a cute family.

Iron Chef Cat Cora, Evan Kleinman (KCRW), Jonathan something (food critic) and some other guy I didn't recognize were the judges. Antonia from Top Chef made duck spring rolls with a light vinaigrette for the competition. She didn't win. And she wouldn't tell us if she won Top Chef. We got some good pictures & you can view them here.

Now that we're experienced, Titty Vortex 1 and I have our game plan for next year so that we can stuff even more food down our throats than we did this year. =)

You Really Got Me Now

There's something freeing about admitting that I am in an abusive relationship. Sometimes Food abuses me, but mostly I am the one afflicting the abuse. Either way, we have come to an understanding. I may throw tantrums, I may threaten to go on a hunger strike, I may run into the arms of Vodka. (Incidentally, love this title: Are you there, Vodka? It's me, Chelsea.) In the end, I come crawling back and Food knows just how to comfort me.

Now that my unhealthy relationship is out in the open, here's another confession. It may not come as a surprise to you...I'm a closet eater. But I'm a controlled closet eater. I know there is no such thing, just let me live in my dream world. I can't help it. The Fat Girl Inside screams "Feed me!" like Audrey II and it must be obeyed.

I am that Fat Girl who cuts a pat of butter and licks it off the knife. Then goes back for more. I am that Fat Girl who eats a dozen glazed Krispy Kreme donuts. I am that Fat Girl who eats half a Costco-sized bag of King's Hawaiian sweet rolls. I am that Fat Girl who eats the leftovers as soon as I get home.

Sometimes I shed a tear, other times I'm too deep in my food coma to care. Sometimes I hate Food, other times I hate The Fat Girl Inside. But all of the time, I continue to think about and long for Food.

All You Can Eat Weekend

This little piggy is making a list. A list of the all-carb items I want to eat this weekend. Ya, I'm giving the no carb diet another go...The jeans do feel more comfortable, especially around the old jelly belly.

So here's my piggy list so far:

• Krispy Kreme donuts
• Grilled Cheese
• Mac & Cheese
• King's Hawaiian Sweet Rolls
• PB&J
• Mashed Potatoes
• All Chocolate Cake
• Father Nature Fries
• Baskin Robbins' Mocha Blast
• Versailles Cuban Style Roasted Pork with extra rice & plantains
• Porto's Cheese Rolls
• Real Coke, not Coke Zero

Oh my sweet baby Jesus. I'm gonna be on a sugar high all weekend.

Whachu Talkin' 'Bout, Willis?

The produce section at my grocery store seems quite a happenin' spot. I'm almost always happy when I'm food shopping so I guess I understand that people tend to strike up conversations when doing so. The only time I'm not as happy is when I'm on the no carb diet. That forces me to skip the King's Hawaiian sweet rolls, the potatoes, the Haagen-Dazs! Anyway, I've overheard and have been part of some interesting exchanges there. Here's one of those exchanges.

This little piggy was trying to pick the least bruised bananas with just the right coloring. Yes, I'm particular about my bananas. On one side, a guy was walking up to the banana section. On the other side, the produce lady has already walked up to me and offered me a slice of watermelon. Normally, I would have taken it but my hands were dirty and I didn't want to stick dirty hands in my mouth to remove the Invisalign. She asks me again to make sure, and I decline again. So she moves on to her next target.

As soon as she asked the question, I looked at the guy to see his reaction. I wanted to say out loud what was expressed on his face:

Oh no you di'n't just ask a black man if he wanted some watermelon!

What he actually said was: Yeah! Of course!

Then he laughs (and I laugh) and looks at me as if to say, "Does this lady not know how much black people like watermelon?"