The Gong Show

About three years ago Togapii and I were on Hawaii's big island. There was a lot of hiking those couple of days. We hiked across a huge volcanic crater and we hiked to the edge (as close to the edge as we thought was safe) of the lava flow, with the light of the full moon to guide us. Everything was just beautiful. I'm really bad at remembering the names of places, but perhaps Togapii can remind me...

So one of those days, after the hike across the volcanic crater, we stopped by a local restaurant. I wanted to order the big bowl of Hawaiian style udon noodle soup called "The Sumo". Togappii laughed at me & asked if I was really gonna order it and eat it all. I thought "Why not? It can't be that big."

While we were waiting for our food, occasionally we'd see a memeber of the wait staff strike the gong at the counter and yell "SUMO!" Then all eyes in the restaurant followed a waiter with a big bowl as he walked between the tables and chairs and served it to its rightful customer. After two or three gongs we realized that that's what they do right before they serve The Sumo! Damn it. I know I'm a pig, but they don't have to announce to the entire restaurant!

Togapii giggled at the thought of me being gonged. Luckily, the waiter who brought The Sumo over thought Togapii was the one who ordered it. So he suffered the stares of all the patrons. heehee

They were right...it was a BIG bowl. Tried I did, but I couldn't finish that thing.

I brought home a little Hawaiian plant and named it "Sumo" =)

Well Done

Road Scholar was kind enough to treat me to a fantastic birthday dinner at 750 ml. I've been wanting to try this place since it opened cuz it looks so cute & charming. It received mediocre and terrible reviews at first but I think they've got things down now.

Road Scholar and I chowed down while Road Scholar's baby girl, Piano Toes, watched and drooled. The wait staff was quite accommodating of Piano Toes and her stroller. They stopped by to ooh, ah and coo over Piano Toes.

We started on a salad of baby greens, grapes, roasted pine nuts with a mildly sweet vinaigrette and goat cheese. The chef was gracious enough to oblige my request to substitute the goat for a cheddar. I know, chefs hate it when customers think they know better. But it wasn't cuz I thought I knew better, it's just that I'll throw up if I eat goat cheese.

Anyway, we both wanted a good piece of meat (don't we all? ;) ) so steak frites it was. Thankfully, they know how to do medium. They also know how to do homemade ketchup for their crispy fries. Yummy. I woulda licked my plate but I didn't wanna embarrass Road Scholar.

I almost forgot the wine... I don't really know what to say about it except that it was good...? Shame on me. But come on, I'm a vodka kinda girl.

The only disappointing thing was the lack of chocolate in their dessert choices. Luckily Buster's was right across the street. We undid the buttons of our jeans and walked over to Buster's. I could almost taste the mocha chip in a waffle cone...and then we see...CLOSED. Chad Michael Murray! What's a piggy gotta do for some birthday ice cream?

Fresh Squeezed

Oh my sweet baby Jesus! I think I'm in love <3

It happened at happy hour at Mojitos with Cuggs, Eli Stone & Mrs. Stone. It was love at first sight. Ya, it'd be better if I was speaking of a tall, sweet cutie, but I speak of the pineapple mojitos. sigh It does come in a tall glass and is refreshing & sweet...

I've been to this location when it was Xiomara, but it was during lunch so I didn't try the mojitos. Clearly, I completely missed out on a good thing until now. They make mojitos like mojitos should be made, with fresh squeezed sugar cane juice. Their sugar cane is flown in from Florida. All the other ingredients are also fresh. I had several pineapple mojitos, as did Eli. Cuggs had the mango mojito and Mrs. Stone had martini mojitos. We were quite enamoured with our drinks and would have loved it if happy hour lasted longer. We didn't have time to try the bartender's special, the strawberry kiwi mojito. I'll be sure to order that first next time.

Their Cuban sandwiches are great too! Nice juicy pork & full of flavor. The ceviche...well, I wouldn't order again. The first couple of bites were OK but it started going downhill afterwards. That would be the only thing that's not quite so fresh. Too bad.

We walked two doors down to Vive. That was quite a disappointment. Their so called mojitos were no match for the real thing and the food...meh. Vive may want to take a few lessons from its neighbor, but I doubt they'll steal this piggy away from Mojitos' mojitos.

A Good Flop

So while we were at the Wynn, Poker Princess talked me into sitting down at the poker table. (I have to give it to the Wynn. They have a strict No Smoking rule in their Poker Room.) It was my first time at a poker table. $4/$8 Texas Hold 'Em, with limits.

There have been few times in my life when I was more nervous than when I sat down at that poker table. Everything I learned about poker left my mind as soon as I sat down. Everyone seemed so serious! It was like we were playing in a million dollar tournament. Very different from the blackjack tables.

I broke up the somber mood with my first move. I was big blind, and since I forgot everything, I threw away my hand instead of sitting in to see the flop for free. The guys sitting on either side of me went "NOOOOOOO!" as soon as I threw away my hand. They and the dealer took pity & re-schooled me. heehee I'm sure everyone already knew, but just to have it spoken out loud, I told everyone to "go ahead & laugh, it's my first time so it shouldn't be hard to take my money."

Maybe 10 or 12 hands later, I got pocket twos. Then I flopped four of a kind! I was thrilled! The pot got bigger & bigger. When I revealed my hand everyone was shocked and I enjoyed my adrenaline rush. This little piggy couldn't hold on to her poker face. I smiled for the next 10 minutes.

Even better than that, Poker Princess and I learned that we can do just about anything at the poker table. We can talk on the phone, text, and order food! Hot chocolate, smoothies, tequila shots and even dinner. There was a guy chowing down on a juicy burger. I think I'd be in really big trouble if they were to offer that at blackjack.

Sugary Goodness

Many many thanks to Trixie for picking up my birthday cheese rolls & the awesome chocolate grand marnier cake! Thanks also to the Crew for the SanSai lunch. You really know how to push this little piggy's stomach to the limit!





You guys are awesome! xoxoFat Girl

A Thousand Words

It's so great when one can stretch birthday celebrations out into almost the whole month. The pictures can tell the stories better so enjoy. Besides, I'm too tired from giving my money to the casinos in Vegas.

Yummy Cupcakes from the great Boss Man, Naughty Blonde and Clueless Jew:

At Engine Company 28 with Loaf, TechGeek, Choobs, Caps, Cuggs and Titty Vortex 1. heehee :

At Wynn Las Vegas with Poker Princess. I know, I know...shoulda took pictures of the food but we were too hungry to pause for pictures. It's great to get the room comped. But to get the room and Buffet comped is HEAVEN:

Teen Piggy

Once there was a two-night youth group sleepover at our house when I was in eight or ninth grade. Yes, this little piggy used to be a good little church girl. Can you imagine? Now,I might be headed straight to hell. Wanna carpool?

Mama Piggy was cool and kept us supplied with Coke, 7Up, Mountain Dew, potato chips, doritos, cookies, fig newtons and candy. We got to order pizza, burgers & fries, and more pizza. It was great to be allowed to eat all that for two days, but honestly, I missed Mama Piggy's cooking.

So...one of those afternoons, we were gathered in the living room doing some sort of group exercise. There were bowls of junk food everywhere. I was particularly attentive to my sour cream & onion potato chips while most of my team was focused on the exercise.

Fanny spoke very softly and was not demanding in anyway. (I wonder if she's still the same way.) She was sitting two people away from me. Speaking to no one in particular, Fanny asked for the bowl of doritos to be passed. No one responded so she asked again. And again her request was not heard, except by me. Instead of asking again, Fanny reeeached over and passed the bowl herself. Then she said, "Thank you."!

I wanted to laugh so hard! I know, it was kinda mean of me not to help her but I wanted to see what she would do. In a way, she's a lot like this little piggy. Fanny doesn't let little things get between her and her food.

Chubby Chased 3

This little piggy went to the market, my local Trader Joe's. I don't know what it is but I am somewhat frequently Chubby Chased at the market, at Trader Joe's or at some other big name market. Maybe Chubby Chasers know chubby chicks love to eat so they just hang out at a major source of food...?

Anyway, I got what I went in for. Six or seven bags of frozen artichoke hearts. I heat up the artichoke hearts in the microwave & melt some sharp cheddar cheese over them. OMG! So yummy!

Standing in line, the guy behind me starts chasing.

Chubby Chaser: What's your nationality?

Fat Girl: Chinese.

Chubby Chaser: 100% Chinese?

Fat Girl: (somewhat exasperated) Yes.

Chubby Chaser: You look mixed.

Fat Girl: OK...(is that suppose to be a compliment? insult?)

Chubby Chaser: You have very exotic eyes. Very nice.

Fat Girl: Thanks.

Thankfully it was my turn at the register. The TJ crew member (as they like to be called) at the register sensed I was uncomfortable and remained in conversation with me so that I didn't have to answer any more stupid questions from Chubby Chaser. Bless his heart. Too bad Chubby Chaser didn't sense that I was uncomfortable. He tried to join in the conversation. What a numbnut.

If Chubby Chaser was at least 6 feet tall, had a nice smile and said something clever I woulda been friendlier. I'm no Victoria's Secret model, but still, this little piggy's got standards.

The MVP - Kobe, as in Kobe Beef

Some friends and I made a trip to Geisha House recently. The experience was great, the food could have been better.

My favorite that night was the Kobe Beef Carpaccio. The menu listed wasabi as one of the ingredients. When you get the dish there's no wasabi to be found, until you take a bite. They've strategically placed delightful, tiny, caviar-like wasabi balls around the dish. They pop as you chew and provide a new texture and flavor that's not expected. It's quite nice.

The second favorite was the fried sesame chicken. The batter was almost right, just a tiny bit heavy. But it did carry out a good sesame flavor, which most Japanese places seem to not get the hang of.

The Over the Rainbow Roll and Red Samurai Roll were just OK. There was another dish but I can't even remember what it was so it must not have been good or bad enough to remember. Just mediocre.

I would fight that terrible Hollywood traffic just to have the beef carpaccio again. But if given a choice, I'd rather go to Sasabune.

Today's Special: Joel McHale

OK, I know this is stretching it a bit. This really has nothing to do with food, except that the name of his show is The Soup.

I just have to say that Joel McHale is yummy. I didn't think so at first, but he grew on me. His sense of humor really tickles this little piggy's babyback ribs.

I know he's married. So is Gordon Ramsay. damn it Just let me live in my dream world for now. (Where are you, Kermit? Don't keep a piggy waiting. Love between a pig & a frog is possible. Really)

So, um, where was I? Oh, yes. Joel, if you're ever in the mood for Chinese, I've got some BBQ pork buns for you. heehee

You Really Got Me Now

There's something freeing about admitting that I am in an abusive relationship. Sometimes Food abuses me, but mostly I am the one afflicting the abuse. Either way, we have come to an understanding. I may throw tantrums, I may threaten to go on a hunger strike, I may run into the arms of Vodka. (Incidentally, love this title: Are you there, Vodka? It's me, Chelsea.) In the end, I come crawling back and Food knows just how to comfort me.

Now that my unhealthy relationship is out in the open, here's another confession. It may not come as a surprise to you...I'm a closet eater. But I'm a controlled closet eater. I know there is no such thing, just let me live in my dream world. I can't help it. The Fat Girl Inside screams "Feed me!" like Audrey II and it must be obeyed.

I am that Fat Girl who cuts a pat of butter and licks it off the knife. Then goes back for more. I am that Fat Girl who eats a dozen glazed Krispy Kreme donuts. I am that Fat Girl who eats half a Costco-sized bag of King's Hawaiian sweet rolls. I am that Fat Girl who eats the leftovers as soon as I get home.

Sometimes I shed a tear, other times I'm too deep in my food coma to care. Sometimes I hate Food, other times I hate The Fat Girl Inside. But all of the time, I continue to think about and long for Food.