What is Jack's Inflamed Sense of Rejection?

Ah...I missed that condescending son of a bitch, Alex Trebek!

It's been a while since I watched Jeopardy! so I decided to tune in today. I swear, within 10 seconds of turning on the TV, I hear..."Sorry Jeanie, you're only allowed to respond with one incorrect answer at a time." smug chuckle Sure, he's an over-educated, under-sexed, pompous know-it-all, but we love him in all his HD glory.

It's dangerous to watch Jeopardy! in HD sometimes. I just get sucked in and totally forget what's on the stove. sigh I did exactly that and overcooked the clams. Ya, they weren't the best clams but good enough for clams in a box. They were Trader Joe's Steamer Clams in garlic butter sauce. The sauce was a bit salty but, yes, definitely buttery & garlic-y.

I imagine they woulda tasted slightly better had I not over steamed them. Just slightly. I'm just glad Alex wasn't here to critique me, to tell me where I went wrong & eventually, say that I should know better than to buy frozen clams. At which point, I would yell: "Yes, I know Alex! I shoulda went to the Chinese fish market to get fresh clams! And salmon sashimi for $8.99 per pound!"

Man, now I'm bummed. I didn't have a great meal and I'm left craving the fresh, delicious salmon sashimi...

Pigging out for Good

Share Our Strength - Taste of the Nation Las Vegas
Thursday June 4, 2009

Share Our Strength - Taste of the Nation Los Angeles
Sunday June 14, 2009

Chubby Chased 7 & 8

I've said it before and I'll say it again. We is in trouble now. And by we I mean me and my fat ass.

This afternoon I was telling Naughty Blonde that I had overindulged on carbs. I've not been withholding carbs from myself for the past coupla weeks and I felt like it showed. My weight oscillates easily. I gain quickly and I lose quickly. So I was complaining that I was feeling the clothes being tight again. Being the comforting friend, Naughty Blonde said I looked fine. But what I feared was confirmed within a few hours of my complaint.

On the way home I stopped by the bank and the pharmacy.

First the bank. Chubby Chaser and I pulled into the parking lot at about the same time. There were three ATMs available. Both of us were polite. We used the ATMs at the ends, saving the ATM in the middle unoccupied, giving each other space. I finished before Chubby Chaser and started walking to my car, and I could hear someone walking behind me. I knew it was Chubby Chaser.

Chubby Chaser: Excuse me.

Fat Girl: Yes?

Chuuby Chaser: I just wanted to give you my business card. Maybe you can call me. I would love to take you out to dinner some time. (how did he know the way to my heart is through a good meal? heee)

Fat Girl: (smiling sweetly) Thank you, I have a boyfriend.

Chubby Chaser: Oh, well you tell him that he's a lucky man.

Fat Girl: (still smiling sweetly) Thank you.

Now, this Chubby Chaser was nice and polite. He drove a nice car, was dressed well and he even had proper ATM etiquette. But you know when there's no attraction? So...yeah, that "boyfriend" thing. 'Twas a lie. Sorry, Chubby Chaser.

I head across the street to the pharmacy. There are three people in line ahead of me. The first two did their business quickly, but not the guy in front of me. He started arguing with pharmacist about the automated reminder system and how much it sucked. I was about to say, "Look, jackass. You didn't come pick up your pills in time. Nobody's fault but yours." But pharmacist beat me to it.

Finally, I pick up my prescription. I was walking out as another Chubby Chaser was walking in. I didn't make direct eye contact with him, but out of the corner of my eye I saw him check me out. Chubby Chaser actually turned around and followed me to my car, which was a little creepy since night had fallen.

Chubby Chaser: Hey, girl. What's going on widchu, honey?

Fat Girl: (smile nicely as I get into my car & lock the doors)

Sooo...the saying goes: "You know you've gained weight when black men start hitting on you."

Well...both of the Chubby Chasers were black. BOTH! I was chubby chased by two black men within 20 minutes. What does that tell you?!?! It sure as hell tells me I need to stop stuffing my piehole and get a personal trainer for my fat ass.

Vegas Vacation: Year of the Ox Part Deux

I would be remiss if I didn't tell you about the yummy food we had at Encore and Palazzo. It's always great to dine at the restaurants of high end hotels cuz a good meal is just about guaranteed.

On Monday morning/afternoon we were still quite in love with that steak we had at Brand so our expectations were high when we entered Socitey Cafe at Encore.

TV1 ordered the Loaded burger - bacon, cheddar, avocado, onion ring with french fries.

I ordered the Grilled ham and cheese - kurobuta ham, gruyere cheese, frissee salad topped with poached egg. (It's kinda like a deconstructed eggs benedict.)

TV1 gave me half of her burger for half of my ham and cheese. Both were yummy and hit the spot. The burger was flavorful and juicy. The ham and cheese was cheesey, greasy and fatty, just the way I like it.

By the way, their pretzel bread with house-made mustard butter is great! Of course we had to ask for more...almost took some to go. heehee

I'm pretty sure it was Tuesday night that we went to Grand Lux at Palazzo. We decided to share and go with everything fried. We ordered:

Double Stuffed Potato Spring Rolls -Creamy mashed potatoes with a touch of green onion, rolled in crispy asian wrappers topped with melted cheddar, applewood smoked bacon and green onion. Served with sour cream.

Fried chicken - Crispy fried chicken breast served with mashed potatoes and vegetables.

New Orleans Beignets - Served warm with three sauces. (Our three sauces were, chocolate ganache, rasberry and white sauce with Jack Daniels.)

Me love fried foods! The spring rolls were great, but they were a little stingy with the cheddar and bacon. We practically licked that plate clean to get every bit of cheese & bacon. teehee The fried chicken was indeed crispy, but I do enjoy dark meat better and the meat left on the bone. The chocolate ganache sauce was my favorite, of course. The Jack Daniels sauce should not be served again.

Sadly, our last Vegas meal together was so much less than five stars. It was at the airport, at some terrible Mexican place called Jose No Bueno or soemthing like that. It was like a Mexican restaurant sweatshop. It was cramped, packed, hot and stuffy and the employees were overworked and on the verge of throwing the 10-parts-water-two-parts-avacado-guacamole in somebody's face, mainly my face since I bristled at paying for that green dish water they called guacamole.

I was hoping to get on my short flight home and grab a Double Double to help me forget Jose no Bueno, but no. My flight was delayed for over three hours. I wanted to enjoy my Inc. magazine with two empty seats between me and another waiting passenger, but no again. A stupid cow sat down next to me with a big unappetizingly bland looking burger. She dropped lettuce, tomato and some kinda sauce all over the place. A big piece of lettuce almost fell into my purse. So like the bitch that I am, I sighed loudly. (It's what Naughty Blonde calls passive aggressive sighing.) The stupid cow didn't get the hint. She finished eating in about two minutes and as she got up, all sorts of crumbs and grey bits of hamburger patty fell to the floor. I know I, too, lose myself in food, but damn!

Vegas Vacation: Year of the Ox

We got bent over, with no lube. That's how TV1 would describe our overall gambling experience. And she's absolutely right.

At first I had some luck with the Wheel of Fortune machine. I hit three numbers at the roulette wheel within 10 minutes, pretty good, right? Then I got ka-raaazy and started playing $100 hands at single deck blackjack. It was quite exciting. I came out $500 ahead! Then it turned. And when the luck turns, it turns fugly. But enough about the fugly.

I played blackjack with Mrs. California - United States and her husband. What a fun and beautiful couple! You don't see it much nowadays, but that's a couple who really adore each other.

Our comped room at Encore was gorgeous. Everything at Encore was gorgeous, as I imagined it would be. TV1 and I loved all the luxury and nice touches that came with a five star hotel, including the remote controlled drapes, all lights on dimmer, and the phone display and television greeting me by name.

The Monaco Suite at Monte Carlo certainly didn't compare to Encore, even though they try to tout themselves as a four star hotel. The only thing I'll say for it is that it's roomy. I don't know who the hell they bribed to get that extra star, but it's certainly not a four star hotel in my book. They've been going through remodeling and are obviously trying to be young and cool like Hard Rock. So far, I remain unimpressed. Anyway...

I cashed in on my comp at the Monte Carlo mainly for the $100 credit I could spend. My plan was to enjoy a good meal at their new steakhouse, Brand. We were impressed with that steak. So juicy and definitely a perfect medium rare. The creamed spinach with truffle oil and mac & cheese were rich and yummy. The lobster mash and the chilean sea bass...quite unremarkable and fishy. They should be ashamed of those items.

Another great meal we had was at Pho, of Treasure Island. I was pleasantly surprised that it was authentic Vietnamese pho. The fried egg rolls, I'd stay away from. Thems is not so authentic. sigh

We ate well, and apologies for the lack of pictures. We usually waited til we were starving so taking pictures kinda left my mind. I'll try to remember that when we go again in a couple of weeks...this time comped at the Palazzo! weeeeee!

All Bets Are Off

Neil Patrick Harris! This first week back at work was long!

I got through it with several trips to In & Out. Yes, I ordered protein style, but my no carb diet kinda derailed. Ask me what I had for dinner two nights in a row...

Tops Fried Zucchini with their homemade ranch. YUM!

Yes, it's fried but it's, what?, like 95% vegetable, right?Just a small amount of carbs. Plus, I didn't eat anything else so at least the calorie count is somewhat decent.

Yeah, I know. I didn't plan out my meals ahead of time and that's why I failed. I guess I haven't learned that I will always take a tumble off the wagon when the meals aren't planned ahead. I'm just betting against myself when there's no plan.

Hey, speaking of betting, it's time to play with some poker buddies. Let's see if I can earn some extra food money for Vegas!

What Diet Resolutions?

We is in trouble now...and by we, I mean me and my fat ass.

I could tell you I have binger's remorse, but I don't. Not even a little bit. I completely enjoyed every slice of that large gourmet veggie pizza. And for dessert, eight of Trader Joe's Mini Mint Ice Cream Mouthfuls disappeared down the abyss otherwise known as my throat.

These are basically Oreo cookies with mint chocolate chip ice cream filling instead of just plain cream filling. OMG, Hea-Ven! Those mini mouthfuls come in a box of 12. Aren't you proud of me that I was able to stop at eight instead of devouring all 12? heeee

It's hard to say what made me binge. Could be a number of things...

a) my nearly three week vacation coming to an end
b) making up for the three weeks, almost four weeks, of feeling sick and eating nothing but eggs, bread, lite broth-like soup and rice
c) I'm just a fat piggy, and a piggy will eat what she wants
d) feeling like I could afford a binge cuz Sugar Coated Candyman said I look quite slim - oh, you bet he was rewarded for that comment =)
e) I have a tapeworm
f) getting back on the no carb diet on Monday, in anticipation of Chinese New Year binges
g) all of the above
h) a, b and e, but not f
i) c, d and f, but not b
j) make your own combination of the above

True, a large gourmet veggie pizza is a lot to consume at once, but at least it's more nutritious than my meals of late...milk and chocolate chip cookies.

Great Fat Day

I'm having a great hair day...thanks to the low humidity.

I wish I could say the same for my stomach rolls. I wish they were less roll-y simply because of low humidity. Although if that were true, the stomach rolls would be completely outta control during the sweltering humid summer months. I suppose there's no getting around the fact that I just have to get off my lazy ass and burn off all the chocolate chip cookies I've been eating for lunch and dinner.

Walking around the mall counts as exercise so my fat ass and I are on our way over to the Camarillo Premium Outlets to see how many cookies I can burn off without breaking the bank...

Mama's Little Dumpling

One of my earliest childhood memories goes something like this...

It was almost noon. We were in a little house in Taiwan. Mama Piggy was watching some soap opera. I think I was three. Brother and I were playing when Mama Piggy asked Brother if he'd like some dumplings for lunch. He said yes since dumplings were his favorite, and Mama Piggy went off to the kitchen.

What about me? She didn't ask ME what I wanted for lunch...me pouty...

Mama Piggy returned with a bowl of steaming hot dumplings and told us to sit at the table. She set the bowl in front of Brother and finally asks me if I wanted some. Still pouty, I nodded. Mama Piggy walked to the kitchen and came back with a plate of four dumplings. I ran from the table.

Maybe it was cuz we were exposed to those terrible soap operas, but now not only did I feel like Mama Piggy favored Brother, I thought she had also poisoned my dumplings! Why else would she fetch separate dumplings from the kitchen instead of just taking some of Brother's and giving them to me? What other reason would there be? Yes, I was that paranoid at the age of three...

But the truth is, she knew I was three, didn't eat much and was a picky eater.

After much coaxing, I returned to the table and wolfed down every last one of those supposedly poison-laced dumplings.

Happy New Year!

A Year of DillyDallying

I think I get the award for DillyDallyer of the Year. What did I accomplish this year? Sadly, if I'm honest with myself, nothing of importance is the answer. sigh

Still renting
Still - STILL! - have student loans
Still spending my money foolishly...therefore the above
My To Read list has gone unread
Haven't learned to stop eating when I'm full
Secret invention to take over save the world hasn't come to fruition
Tens of hundreds of exciting restaurants remain unvisited
Lost 50% of my portfolio's value... heavy sigh
Haven't opened a shelter for abandoned children/pets
No new stamps in my passport
Still see the same stomach rolls and back fat I resolved to lose

But...
The stomach rolls are ever so slightly smaller
The back fat a little less, um, fatty...
Tasted great food with like-minded foodies
Learned to be more careful of who I can trust and who I can't
Still have my job - thank the Sweet Baby Jesus!
Met more interesting and sexy people ;)
Many fun Vegas trips, and more already planned for '09
Adopted two kittens from the humane society
Gotten closer to Mama Piggy
Still generally healthy despite my binge & purge diet cycle

The year wasn't so bad, really. I shouldn't complain. It coulda been worse & I'm grateful it hasn't been. At least I have the wherewithall to reflect (if only just for a few minutes) and I can resolve to make the impossible happen. No, I don't mean taking over the world. I mean I can fill 2009 with more great food all the while becoming a thinner piggy. Hey, shut up...I can dream.

Piggy Confessions 2

The yummy treats from Costco have caused me to tumble off the wagon again. This time it's the French chocolate truffles. Costco only brings these out around October so yeah, I got a Costco sized pack of these chocolate truffles in October. A Costco sized pack means two 2 pound 3.3 ounce boxes. Each box has two foil bags of yummy chocolate truffles.

The Nutritional Facts state that each serving size is about 5 pieces, and each container (each foil bag) contains about 24 servings. So let me do the math for you...I purchased 480 pieces of fat & sugar. But have you tasted this melt in your mouth chocolate delight?

I promised myself that I'd be good, but I had 2 servings in one day. I think my blood chocolate level was almost lethal that day.

Me, Myself and I decided an intervention was necessary. The next day when I went to see Mama Piggy, I gave her the rest of the truffles. Mama Piggy doesn't like chocolate so I wasn't putting her at risk. She loves to give those chocolate truffles to her bowling team. So it all worked out.

I'm sober now.

My Next Five Pounds of Weight Gain

What the what?!?! A Korean taco truck?

The concept is at first equally novel, titillating and improbable. Then after your first bite of the short rib taco, you instantly realize the idea is brilliant and wonder how many pounds you'll gain stuffing your face with this new found favorite food.

About 30 of us had the privilege of a private tasting, $10 for one of everything on the menu! Oh my sweet baby Jesus thems is good tacos! I had one of every flavor: short rib, spicy pork, chicken & tofu. Then on my second round I had the short rib burrito and the kimchi quesadilla.

If you plan on being a pig like me, I suggest starting with the tofu taco. Although the sauce makes the tofu tasty, it will be bland after you've had the meat tacos. So after the tofu, go for the chicken, then the spicy pork, then the short rib. They're all good, but I could have eaten five or 10 more of the short rib tacos.

The short rib burrito was good, the meat was still the same juicy quality, but for me there was too much in the burrito competing for a spot on my taste buds. I prefer the simplicity of the taco where the short rib flavor is the star.

The kimchi quesadilla sounded as strange as Korean taco truck, but was very good. Just mildly spicy and it blended with the cheese beautifully.

To see a good review & pictures, click here.

To see their site, click here.

To stalk them, click here.

Chubby Chased 6

Some time in October, Poker Princess and I were in Vegas again. It was fantastic. Our suite was comped, the limo pick up from the airport was comped, practically all our meals were comped, and I brought belated birthday cupcakes for Poker Princess. It's good to receive the VIP treatment. =)

Once again Poker Princess and I found ourselves at the poker table. Incidentally, the new Poker Lounge at Hard Rock ain't too shabby. Anyway, after I lost my $100 buy in, I sat with Poker Princess since she was winning and I figured I could learn.

Long before I lost my money I noticed Chubby Chaser across the table. Someone at the table commented that Chubby Chaser was a dead ringer for Brett Favre. No, I didn't know what Favre looked like until I did a search later in the room, but yeah, he was a dead ringer.

So...Chubby Chaser was actually a cutie and he had a good sense of humor. We started a conversation around food, what else? Poker Princess and I were trying to see if we could make it before the new steak restaurant closed for the night.

After a while Chubby Chaser went to cash out. He returned to the table, leaned over and whispered something in my ear. Naughty Blonde once called me a brazen hussy and that I am, but even this brazen hussy has some standards. Chubby Chaser was wearing a wedding ring. sigh

Good thing I could run to the open arms of the cupcakes in our room...

I Can't Believe It's Not Good Italian

A few weeks ago some friends and I had dinner at Cafe Roma in Beverly Hills. The facade is undergoing some kind of construction so it looks a bit ghetto, but once you're inside it's a lovely little restaurant. The servers, hosts & hostess all have the charming Italian accent, although some of their accents are more genuine than others...Anyway, whenever I've been there they've been very friendly. Sometimes a bit slow, but very friendly and accommodating.

The food quality is not consistent. This most recent visit was more satisfying, but the visit prior to that left a bad taste in my mouth. This time we had the beef carpaccio, seafood risotto and steak. All were quite yummy. We must have gotten the good chef that night since he knew that medium rare means medium rare. Surprisingly, the margherita pizza was a disappointment. How can an Italian restaurant mess up pizza?? Perhaps they need to change the chef at the pizza station, no?

During dinner, we spotted Fabio...I know it's Beverly Hills but it was just such an odd celebrity sighting (and I use celebrity loosely. Sorry, Fabio.). In the dim, warm lighting of Cafe Roma, Fabio looked quite handsome. He's a lot taller than I thought. He was riding solo, surprisingly. The host, hostess and several waiters greeted him as family and chatted with him. Had I been brave enough I woulda invited myself over to his table and asked him to ask Cafe Roma to get better chefs. Maybe next time...

Monkeying Around

Recently I adopted a kitten from the local shelter. They told me she was three months, but in fact, my vet said she's more like six weeks. She didn't eat much for the first couple of days and I started to wonder if this was going to work out. So not only was she tiny, she was quite skinny. Several people have commented that she looked like a lemur so...we'll call her Monkey Girl.

The shelter gave me a small bag of the food that they said she had been eating. She didn't really care for it. So after two days of barely eating anything, I decided to make her some fresh chicken soup with carrots and peas. Monkey Girl loved it. She also loved milk, lactose free milk. Then I got her some Iams kitten canned and dry food and she began gaining weight.

Now one of her favorite foods is bacon...which she waits for in the morning. Also, now I'm forced to keep her on a feeding schedule instead of leaving her food out all day long...cuz just like her piggy mama, Monkey Girl is an overeater.

Tastey Jesus

Something I heard this morning added more meaning to Oh My Sweet Baby Jesus!

The story soundbyte is filed under Entrepreneurship at marketplace.org. But I find this article title much funnier German Churches Find Chocolate Jesus Tasteless.

First of all, Chocolate Jesus would be mighty tastey, unless it was white chocolate -which isn't chocolate at all. I wish people would stop calling it chocolate.

Secondly, lighten up, German churches. The idea is freakin funny, even if Frank Oynhausen didn't mean for it to be. It'd be really funny if Oynhausen made baby Jesus chocolates...

I bet Jesus thinks it's funny.

Hop Woo Restaurant SUCKS ASS

I take back every good thing I ever said about Hop Woo. They were rude to me & my friend. They overcharged us & wouldn't admit it. Most of all, they were rude to Mama Piggy.

NEVER will I go back there.

I'd gladly go the extra mile to MPV, which is now Blue Ocean.

Chubby Chased 5

Round Table Pizza has a "Gourmet" Veggie pizza on their menu. Description of the pizza, copied from their site: Artichoke hearts, zucchini, spinach, white mushrooms, Roma tomatoes, red & green onions, Italian herb seasoning, and lots of chopped garlic. Baked with a blend of 3 cheeses on our Creamy Garlic Sauce. I put gourmet in quotes cuz I'm guessing they consider it gourmet just because of artichoke hearts, zucchini & spinach?

Don't get me wrong, it's a good tasting pizza, it's just that Round Table is a bit skimpy with the ingredients. Sometimes I add more artichoke hearts & zucchini when I get home. Also, wait til you get a coupon. The coupon price is much easier to swallow.

So...once when I went to pick up my large Gourmet Veggie, an extra large Mexican guy walked in ahead of me. Unfortunately, the Round Table employee wasn't behind the counter so Chubby Chaser took the opportunity to talk to me.

Chubby Chaser: (makes no effort to hide that he's checking me out) Hey.

Fat Girl: (look in his general direction, but make no eye contact) Hi.

Chubby Chaser: How are you?

Fat Girl: Fine. Thanks.

Chubby Chaser: They're kinda slow.

Fat Girl: Hm? Oh. Ya.

Chubby Chaser: So, are you eating here?

Fat Girl: Nope. Picking up.

Chubby Chaser: Too bad. I coulda used some company.

Fat Girl: (blank stare. as if I would keep him company)

Thankfully, Round Table employee finally appeared behind the counter & took Chubby Chaser's order. I was doubly thankful that he quickly said, "Next customer, please."

I presented my coupon & Round Table employee said he could take two more dollars off the coupon price. Score! That was karma paying me back for putting up with Chubby Chaser.

If I got a discount every time I went to Round Table, I may not be opposed to being Chubby Chased. I know, I'm such a pizza whore.

Trader Joe's Treasures

Zucchini is one of my favorite veggies and Trader Joe's sells a two pound pack for $2.79. A pretty good deal compared to other grocery stores. I've been grilling them this summer but they keep falling through the grate, even when I use my expandable grill basket. I feel a great sense of loss whenever a nice chunck of zucchini falls down to the flame. So now I just soften them in the pan with some olive oil and it's just as good, and I don't have to worry about losing any of my zucchini.

The store bought ranch dressings aren't very satisfying with my zucchini so I decided to make my own. I came across a ranch dressing recipe on Food Network's site & tweaked it a bit. It was a hit. Here's my tweaked recipe, if you care to make some:

1 clove garlic
1 cup mayonnaise
1/3 cup buttermilk

2 tablespoons minced dill

1 shallot, trimmed and finely chopped

1 teaspoon white wine vinegar

Mash the garlic to a paste with the side of a chef's knife. In a medium bowl, whisk together the garlic, mayonnaise, buttermilk, dill, shallot and vinegar. If the sauce is very thick, thin the dressing with a couple tablespoons more of the buttermilk. Use immediately or store covered, in the refrigerator, for up to 3 days.

Not only does Trader Joe's have great food deals, it also has great beauty deals. If you like sugar scrubs, Trader Joe's has a great Tangerine Sugar Scrub that beats all those expensive brand names out there. You get a nice 18 oz tub for just $5.99!

Going Bananas

Sigh. In the middle of another two weeks of no carb hell. The first few days were difficult since I've been eating whatever my piggy tummy desired. I craved carbs so much that I was eating mac & cheese in my dream. I had little resolve after I woke up from that dream.

I was going to be in the Glendale area that day and I remembered a little Peruvian place Brother took me to a while ago. It was perfect. I haven't had Peruvian in a while and I can get my carb fix with them yummy plantains!

Mamita did not disappoint. I ordered the saltado de pollo con vegetales, except I forgot to say "con vegetales". If I had, it woulda been stir fried chunks of chicken, zucchini, mushrooms and tomatoes. But I got the regular saltado de pollo, which was also good, except that it was more carbs than I planned on. Saltado de pollo is stir fried chunks of chicken, tomatoes, red onion & fries. I don't care for soggy fries, but since these fries soak up the delicious sauce I had to eat them. Most of them. And of course there's the fluffy rice that comes with the dish.

The plantains, were soft and nicely caramelized on the outside. They give you a decent amount for $4. Half of them were gone by the time I got back to the office. It was a sad moment when I came to the last piece. Well, at least I made a good choice when I decided to cheat on my no carb diet. I'm already planning on going back to get two orders of plantains when I'm off the diet.